Animals Psychi

It was a late friday afternoon, Dave had just driven home from work to find his house burglarised…


The police had already been and covered the place in scenes of crime police tape.. he started looking around for important things… he found his passport along with his wifes and sons passports… the jewellery and money was there, what did they steal he said to himself with a mind full of confusion, how had nobody called him from the police? He called up the stairs ( It was a nice little dormer bungalow with pink drapes ).. no one answered but he suddenly heard movement behind him – turned and was struck over the head by a shadowey figure.. He fell to the floor….


He then spent the next few hours passing in and out of consciousness waking each time being dragged along the floor hearing voices…. when he finally came to he was freezing cold totally submerged in a chamber filled with liquid…. he pannicked and passed out again… He could still hear the people in the room talking about a boy…. When he came to again the room was empty but his glass chamber was covered in a red liquid he thought was blood… Now no longer panicking he questioned why am i breathing liquid and why is everything moving, am I on ship he thought… how do I get out of here…. wheres my family.. thats when he caught sight of the stake puff marshmellow man calender from ghostbusters… I hate that film he said….


He started banging on the glass but could not escape until suddenly he saw these rabbid animals coming through the walls… smashing plaster everywhere… they all gathered around the chamber and charged … nibbled until it cracked… he was free but totaly scared of being attacked by these animals…. they jumped on him but only to give him heat and then it dawned on him, this was the lab he wanted to gain access to today at the medical research facility.. these were not rabbid animals but experiments… His memory went blank…..

If only he could remember – why am I here

He ventured through the complex finding scientists bodies laying strewn everywhere, what the hell has happened, how long have I been unconscious

As he walked through this place desolate of life except these disfigured animals, he searched for any clue he could and then he found the exit but outside was like a warzone with rays of fire travelling in parallel lines – this defies the laws of physics he thought , is this a government weapon he said to himself now turning into a mutter as he tried to keep a low profile thinking of only the next danger…

Suddenly it was quiet and he could hear people screaming in pain.. Agony, I must help them he thought…. He rushed to the direction of the screams.. they were all coming from the same location as if they had been herded, thinking only of saving people he foolishly carried on – Animals rushing along behind him gathering greater in number every minute…

After five minutes he needed to rest – He had not seen a soul but now the screams had turned into a more dull shreik then anything – he heard what was the sound of a girl so ran again down Albert street which seamed to have been spared the destruction of the other street he had just come from

He saw her standing in the street clutching a teddy bear… he swooped her to the side into a door way just in time as this large mechanical monster started thumping its way down the main road which formed a T junction with Albert street no more than 50ft from them. The animals had dispersed promptly just a couple of rats scurrying along

The girl whispered – they are not gone just taken – What the **** does that mean… she must be delirious….

He noticed the animals had gone… suddenly this monkey grabbed them and pulled them into the sewer…. oh oh oh the monkey went waving his hand and moving in front of them as if to beccon them on…. Dave said to the little girl… He wants us to follow him and thats the best we have got to go on so don’t be scared now

They walked and crawled through the sewers until they came to a chamber 40 ft diameter with huge pumps… he spied a ladder so with a raised sense of hope he started to climb with this girl grabbing on around his throat…. It led to a another tunnel… I can hear voices he said to the girl so they hurried along with the snakes and monkeys who were now catching them up from behind…. It felt like an age but finally they arrived at a large storm channel full of people… The monkey pointed to the people and banged its chest without any vocal expressions this time….

A person – strong 6ft tall and light brown in appearance, scantily clothed with muscles bulging sporting a gerri curl hair doo helped them down into the channel. Dave asked him whats going on – The man replied – Brother, I have no idea but look at all these fit funky white chicks, he points to a gathering of white hens, Dave laughs and asks his name – The names elgerbert, pleased to meet you now we have to get ourselves organised, Some machines came around and started tearing up the place… No one knows what or where they came from as its conspiracy theory down here my man but by god I am not going to be oppressed like my slave father… Dave said REALLY…. No only messing with you man, Sorry I am Sgt Elgerbert first battalion artillery on holiday sir…. Like most of these people – we all seem to be on holiday, what a coincidence….

We call this place the trench!!!

Dave asks How long have you been here, how long has this been going on… Brother where have you been they came last week kidnapping everyone… From what I can make out we have no police, military, doctors, no-one except us….. Dave buts in… Thats my brother steve…. Dave runs over to steve to be greeted with a slap – thats for me thinking you were gone now give your big bro a hug…. Glad you are here bro get some chemicals on their ass

Steve filled in Dave, not in a brokeback mountain sort of way, He told him about the invasion and destruction that ensued…. The kidnapping and mass hysteria… Elgerbert butted in – I can see lights in the Building – It was a large skyscraper with a round dish on the top surrounded by residential buildings…. They could see people moving in the windows of these battered building which looked like they had seen the back end of a tornado…..Steve and Elgerbert simultaneously said Ok lets get up there and have a good look of the lay out and form a command centre – Psychic they both said stomach bouncing each other….

Dave paused and asked what weapons do we have – Elgerbert said best with none until we know what works- bad weapons only slow you down and talking of which what the F*** is it with these animals… Dave said they saved me I will tell you more when we get to the top…

They rushed acrtoss the road avoiding detection and covertly moved through the residential buildings picking up more stragglers as they went through… some pausing to eat what little food had survived….

Their first glimpse of an alien was through a crack in a wall – it was a brightly lit pink object with no eyes but lots of gently swaying tantacles as if it could feel the air coupled with a shimmering silver streak across its upper torso – It looks injured Elgerbert said – some said lets take it now and… Elgerbert quietened them down but one had gone, Oh no Elgerbert said we need to move quickly – hes given away our position… double time it – Steve said I can see the basement entrance, lets go in that way…. they all nodded….

Now inside the tower complex they went up to the twentieth floor completely unobstructed but then the stairway ended… They always built these new towers with two stairways to add strength but the other stairway was on the opposite corner… Elgerbert peaked out of the fire proof door which squeeked, they all cringed in fear of being heard… He could see more of these creatures hearding people into a bright green void,, these people were dissapearing into nothing or being consumed by the green void.

They waited and watched all these people go followed by the aliens… Then Dave piped up maybe its a portal or do you think they just commit suicide after killing people…

After about an hour in the stairwell they crouched through the hallways which were now a deathly silent place to be- so eerie now… They found the other stairwell and went upto the top floor which was a reserved area for the rich – a nightclub it seems with a round bar in the centre with wealthy suited men and women sat around it equidistantly spaced, everyone rushed in which startled the people at the bar… they turned to look at at the hoard that rushed through the door and it was clear these were not normal people as there was something strange in the air and they were all drinking green fluids. Steve and elgerbert said get the hell out of here to each other and Dave, who paused for a second while the other two rushed for the door on the opposite side kicking a doorman out of the way.. they got through but dave was stopped as he delayed to grab the girl he saw in the street.

Steve and Elgerbert looked around in sadness before carrying on with their escape… Elgerbert said lets get to my house and then we will come back for your brother so they ran as hard as they could..

Dave and the others were trapped


Elsewhere In a military command centre which had been laid dormant since the cold war, a huge task force of military who’s who were busying themselves with tactics and general inaudible nonsense until a little geek piped up ‘but sirs we made this problem’ – Everyone goes silent so all you can hear is the buzzing of transformers – He goes on to say the space missions we have been doing sending all our information into space had left us prone to attack but rather than look at what they know about us lets look at what they dont, Yeh whats that and sorry whats your name said this heavy set desk general, My name is agent 2 Sir and that is all you need to know, I am attached to a top top secret animal research division… Much of what we do is so classified there is no official recognition like area 51….. And not the Nightclub he chuckles with his warped humourous laugh…

We have to ask for your faith without question but believe we will not be able to fight this but our research into the animal psychi has revealed that they are equiped with knowledge of these ET’s.. I have not the time to explain to you all how but it is credible research.

We believe that if we release all animals into the areas of incursion that they will be able to neutralise the invaders with their psychic powers. What we need to do is gather all species of animals together and our research shows that a combined effort will destroy all non earthly synaptic pathways

We have a problem that we have killed off some species for commercial gain and have poorly treated many animals, and trust me they all know, I know hey, the problem with common consciousness..

We can only hope that they pitty us and still will help… Whats the alternative….. agent…. 2…. is it, said the general…. Well fire from the sky, floods, end of the world all biblical fun stuff – you get the picture…

In stepped this white collar chap with a klingon tefal looking cranium who said well does anyone else have anything to go on other than death by duracell bunny – The room went deathly silent… Ok then make it happen, what do you need from us!

A long list of logistical resource was spieled off finished with a nice cup of freshly picked tea leaf tea, Whats that for the white collared chap asked expecting some answer for a focal point of energy or something unworldly, Agent 2 replied – For me, I have been drinking this coffee machine stuff for weeks now and it is driving me insane, well everyone thought he was insane anyway.

The mobilisation event gets underway

Back to Dave in the nightclub room

Dave asks what do you want, do you not know whats going on outside, as he taks he recognises some faces from governments around the world and his boss – Brian he sais, is that you?

Yes Dave its me, Remember that email about taking too much sick leave – You never replied he said.

Thats hardly relevant now sir, Its madness out there, what do you know?

Well dave we have been studying these animals now for a while and lets put it this way we have key seats for the end of the world and maybe our ancesters who are the returning blobs – I know they look disgusting but they are not impressed with us and want to start again with their evolution experiment which means cleaning the world of our race, they have promised to reserve some as curious antiques which we all here are part of but your being here was not planned or wanted so if you don’t mind you are fired, Dave shouts back furiously you always have been an egotistical arse, they will kill you too you idiot… George kill them, Brian shouts, George replies Son its nothing against you but they have fooled me once shame on them but they can’t fool me twice – suddenly this blob crashes through the stairwell door – The deal was for only the leaders, now you will all perish.

It, struggling to aim this clumsy banana shaped weapon started firing pink gue everywhere which exploded on contact including the door that steve and Ergerbert escaped through, Dave shouted everyone run but as they ecaped through the door a flurry of creatures ran in and huddled together. A moment went past and they released what appeared to be a massive enegy pulse eminating from the serpents followed by the rabbits and then the ants until they all were producing these pulses. Lots more aliens ran in firing their weapons everywhere until suddenly they started popping like Microwaved ravioli.

Dave saw some of this gue land on the broken shards of drinking glasses and suddenly remembered the glass cubicle he was trapped in, this gue was the same… Had the animals saved him before – this would explain why everything was smashed to smitherines in the lab – He remembered he Was an Agent too and these laboratories were not for animal testing like cosmetics but a secret research facility exploring the animals psychi with love… thats why the animals saved him… His attention thought of his wife and child.. Where are they

They ran down the stairs and outside being sure to take cover from view – He saw his brother steve and Elgerbert – They had large calibre weapons and rocket launchers just walking boldy around – Hey Dave, Elgerbert shouted, we got these mothers licked baby, come join the fun – those rabbits look freaky though all these animals are doing some damn strange shit, Dave replied – they are saving us by destroying the aliens mentaly, You got anything bigger El, Elgerbert replied – Other than whats in my nice white CK Briefs, Hell yes I got something bigger – Yo Steve bring that freaky piece of junk over here. steve produced this huge at least 4 ft long cannon with bunny ears for sights, It looks heavy but its lighter than polystyrene but appears to blow these things apart – Watch this. Steve fired his weapon and blown back 20 ft. He said damn this has got a kick, Hey Dave mumma said your brains will save the day but this knuckleheads braun did hey. Dave wanted to say about his research but just agreed as he did not want to spoil his brothers moment. Anyway the firefight carried on with tornado jets and apache’s firing virtualy the worlds arsenal at the aliens

Suddenly a huge mumma of pink thing dropped from the sky with what looked like little pink aliens falling from it all the time – Elgerbert said – now aint this a day for a carry on, Then Steve and dave joked about some of the carry on movies and their hooter antics from mums video collection.

Anyway they were surrounded by an impenetrable wall of fuzzy rabbits serpertent and gorrillas aswell as every other known animal even the dolphins were jumping about, Elgerbert face went white as these animals huddled for one last battle then came the elephants that smashed through the aliens like marbles… Abruptly there was silence and it all appeared to be over but elgerbert was frozen stiff what is wrong said steve checking for a pulse…. I have got a spider in my shirt, It was a household spider but he was an Arachnophobe

Months went by and the world bussied itself repairing the damage from the invasion but Dave could not find his wife and son, he posted adverts everywhere , with the missing persons bureau, tv, etc but to no avail but suddenly a break through, He received a phone call from the International Federal Asylum Organisation who kidnapped them both on the eve of the invasion as Daves research was a person of international importance.

They were completely unharmed except they were totally Jeremy Kyled out.

Something still seemed uneasy about this whole episode.




One thought on “Animals Psychi”

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